The Diatribe

I am of two minds today and so I will write both of my stories.  I am angry and sad as so many of us are.  Already in print articles and on NPR this morning I have heard theories for why and how this happened and I have my own ideas about those too, but I am not interested in those right now.  I know exactly who to blame for this outcome. 

First, The Diatribe.

Every dumbass motherfucker who voted for Donald Trump is responsible for this outcome.  Humans are consistent and predictable and as the saying goes, opinions are like assholes.  Everyone has one and most of them stink.  If you voted for Donald Trump however, you are a special breed of asshole.  First, you think you know.  You have it all worked out.  You trust your judgment more than anyone else’s.  You are wrapped up in your world and your experience and you’re selfish.  Second, you do not empathize with others.  You don’t care about the reputation of your country.  You don’t care about how your behavior as an adult is seen by your children. You are not open and your values around education and reading are likely not conducive to recognizing the truth or seeking it out. 

I don’t care that republicans have effectively gutted the voting rights act over the last 10 years.  I don’t care that Citizens United has allowed the wealthy class to exert undue influence on our political process.  You allowed this to happen. You made this happen.  

You voted for a guy who joked that he liked to walk up to women and grab them by the pussy adding that as a celebrity, he could get away with that behavior.  Did that sound like a joke to you?  I know his spin on it, locker room talk and all that, but did you buy it?  I didn’t.  (Then again, maybe you did buy it?  If so your judgment is pathetic.)  How do you reconcile that with your children?  This is a serious question.  Are you telling them that it was okay because it was a joke?  Are you telling them he was wrong to say such a thing but it's forgivable, his judgment is still good enough to be President of the United States?  President of the United States?!

About Hillary all that she is corrupt stuff is bullshit. I'm sorry you feel marginalized. Perhaps you really are a low information voter  Maybe the only information you take in is from Fox News or even the mainstream corporate outlets?  Hillary is as corrupt as the majority of our politicians today.  She is adept at playing a corrupt game.  That you think she is somehow a trillion times more corrupt than everyone else on the face of the earth is a testament to your inability to discern the truth from whatever someone or some entity is selling you.  If Citizens United allowed foreign governments or the Koch Brothers to spend millions of dollars through so called think tanks, (propaganda machines,) to  influence you it doesn’t change the fact you are responsible for succumbing to all that. More, in a straight up comparison of the two, Hillary never said she walked up to people and grabbed them by the genitalia.

What is wrong with you?  How could you do this?  We will all feel the pain of this Presidency but you should feel it more and I don’t know how that happens beyond sane people who had the good sense not to vote for him telling you how irresponsible and pathetic you have been.  This is not a one-time thing, either.  Like, whoops, I voted for Trump.  No, you allowed yourself to be here.  You were the one who did not focus in school, who did not embrace reading, who chose to nurture a short attention span rather than instilling some self-discipline in yourself.  We get the democracy we deserve and what we deserve presently is because of you.  How embarrassing for all of us.  (And if you are successful or well off, by odds you likely lack roundness and the balance of a gentleman and your financial success in no way represents your overall value as a member of society.  On that you have spoken-loud and clear.)

You voted for someone who as a candidate offered no real ideas or plans.  Instead he said, trust me.  And you did.  You voted for a guy who as a candidate refused to let the people, (as in, “We the people,”) see his tax returns.  It is not a law that candidates have to show the public their taxes, rather it has just been considered proper and it was thought the American people would never vote for someone who refused to reveal their financial behavior.  You proved that wrong.  You voted for him anyway.  Apparently you do not believe in accountability.  You are inclined to trust Donald Trump.  He has never behaved in any way like a statesman or a sage and yet, you...  the-fuck?!

You did it ostensibly because Hillary Clinton is connected to Bill Clinton who runs the Clinton Foundation who accepted money from a multitude of entities around the world to engage in charitable endeavors.  As an example the Clinton Foundation accepted $1 million from the little principality that is Qatar.  This transaction  occurred while Hillary Clinton was Secretary of State.  It was her duty based on her word to report this transaction to the Department of State and in this regard she failed.  There is room to parse this.  She promised to report any new or increased contributions and we do not know what Qatar may have donated in previous years, only that they did donate.  Still, she erred on this to avoid even the air of wrongdoing.  Of course there is so much more but this is as substantive or as egregious a thing as I can find against Hillary.  There are email issues that pale in comparison to what occurred in the Bush administration so I dismiss those out of hand based on the FBI concluding there was nothing to prosecute there.  There are far-fetched rumors of murder and worse I suppose but of course, that’s all bullshit.  A cursory analysis typically debunks those stories. 

By the way, you should google performance ratings for charitable organizations and check on the clinton foundation.  Charitywatch, charitynavigator, they all say the same thing.  

From factcheck.org: "Daniel Borochoff, president and founder of CharityWatch, told us by phone that its analysis of the finances of the Clinton Foundation and its affiliates found that about 89 percent of the foundation budget is spent on programming (or “charity”), higher than the 75 percent considered the industry standard."

Amazing.  Right?  Right?!  That's 14% higher at the rarefied top of the margin.

Am I a big fan of HRC?  No.  Bernie best represented my values.  Hillary, however, was in the mold of prior Presidents.  Presidents like Obama, Clinton, George HW Bush, Reagan, Carter and so on.  Yes, they were products of a monied system, (an increasingly monied system.) but in terms of education level and decorum, grace, if you will, they were Presidential.  I failed to mention George W Bush because yes, the two are similar.  They were both privileged, wealthy children who as a class, often do not adopt some of our most basic values of goodness and kindness. 

What Bernie Sanders accomplished as a candidate was beyond simply being unprecedented.  It had looked like a grass roots campaign could never compete in this system.  No doubt powers are at work trying to figure out creative ways of stopping the masses from being so influential in the future.  To raise the money needed to compete in this utterly corrupt system through small, individual donations, (yes, averaging $27,) was very much like a miracle.  I had such high hopes.  

Bot no, you did not get on board with Bernie by and large because you were sold all this bullshit about high taxes and the debt, (Of course the bogeymen changes seasonally and you're stuck on buy.)  You think you are going to be rich one day.  You blame people who receive welfare benefits for why you are not already rich, because you're such a hard worker and you're so brilliant of course.  The military budget does not bother you but there's a good reason for that.  You don't understand how exorbitant it is relative to every other country on the planet, or how much overkill it really is, (pardon the pun.)  

We can point out the evidence, show you how tax rates were following the great depression and the new deal, in the 50's for example.  We can illustrate the direct correlation between those tax rates and the wealth and prosperity that followed.  We can point out basic truths about how big business had behaved when unchecked in the past and what it took to rein them in, a strong adversary.  We can draw the through line for you right to a strong federal government but you still buy the propaganda the wealthy class, republicans and the right sells you about "states rights," and how the federal government should be weakened in favor of power distribution.  Who will protect our children from being forced into the work force, uneducated and prematurely?  Who will protect miners?  Who will protect workers in the work place?  Donald Trump?  Donald fucking Trump?!  Wake the fuck up.  

I can't blame ignorance anymore, as if it is a faceless nameless condition.  I can't empathize with you anymore after what you have done.  I want so much more for my children.  Fuck you.

I have heard this criticism of people who make Hitler comparisons on social media.  And yet, everytime we see societies bring someone like Trump to power bad things happen. 

follow my bliss

my name is michael and i am unemployed.  if admitting you have a problem is the first step toward overcoming it i am more than willing to let it be known.  being unemployed sucks even if i am the recipient of a maximum unemployment benefit every two weeks.  (sincere thanks to my community for your support.)

i have been working awfully hard to find gainful employment.  i have been on numerous interviews but for whatever reason, i just haven't gotten the offer as yet.  i spend my time looking and applying for jobs, taking care of my children, watching movies, staying informed, socializing with my friends, and reading books.  i am about to finish joseph campbell's 'the power of myth,' and like most books i feel like campbell is trying to tell me something but it is difficult to discern the message or perhaps it is just difficult finding a way to implement the message.

campbell is telling me to follow my bliss and i want to.  i want to follow my bliss badly.  recently as i have been unemployed and have had the luxury of free time i have considered what i really want to do with myself.  campbell said that if i am in a career or profession i do not find bliss in then i may be blocked.  he also said, "i think that anyone brought up in an extremely strict, authoritative social situation is unlikely ever to come to the knowledge of himself."

that fits me.  i grew up being told what to do and i was certainly indoctrinated.  first it was my grandfather who said it was his way or the highway.  later it was my uncle who i came to consider my father.  not only did he institute a firm hierarchy within the household in which i was not allowed to question him whatsoever with reprisal found in the strap of a belt, but he also gave me religion.  in the church, a christian fundamentalist church, i was taught to consider the will of god before making any or every decision.  talk about stultifying.  in the air force i was told not to question.  period.  mine was to do.  the spittled direction of my drill sergeant was to inquire as to how high i should jump on my way up.  in other words, do before thinking, or, follow orders before thinking.  at school i was told what to study, when to turn in assignments and what i needed to learn.  in fact when i dropped out of college, or, each time i dropped out of college, i discovered i had a severe authority complex.  i even decided to educate myself by reading the books i wanted to read.  (to give you an idea of the education i ended up with, here's a list of some of the books i chose: tropic of cancer, journey to the end of night, hunger, colossus of maroussi, sexus, plexus, nexus, sextet, henry miller on writing, the satanic verses, shame, the moor's last sigh, the ground beneath her feet, foucault's pendulum, a spy in the house of love, letters to a young poet, immortality, the unbearable lightness of being, laughable loves, the book of laughter and forgetting, things fall apart, don quixote, one hundred years of solitude, lolita, the sailor who fell from grace with the sea, the catcher in the rye, the death of ivan ilyich, the sun also rises, the stranger, the plague, slaughterhouse five, on the road, fahrenheit 451, i, claudius, claudius the god, stranger in a strange land, a confederacy of dunces, atlas shrugged, and many others.  many others including those i was told to read prior to my self education.)

i took exception almost randomly.  i hated cops and bosses.  i despised referees and got kicked out of recreational league basketball games every so often for openly berating them.  i wanted the world to be a meritocracy but of course, it is not.  in concert with my authority complex i came to love justice.  in short i became fiercely independent with absolutely no idea how to be independent.  for this there are consequences.

anyway, the point is not to bemoan all the shit from my childhood that may or may not have affected me and my decisions as an adult.  i am unemployed and i have been working like hell to find my way back into the workforce in the area i have been in for a number of years so as to command the highest wage possible for my family.  is it my bliss?  sadly, no.  it is not my bliss-it's not even close to my bliss, (though to be fair i have found gratifying aspects of it to make it tolerable.) 

what is my bliss?  i like to write.  i blog even, though almost no one reads my blog.  (apologies to my brother who is the only person likely to read it.)  beyond my brother the only persons to ever read my blog are people i might pass it to on occasion but since i do not blog regularly there is little chance of those people reading it on any regular basis.  moreover, it's not a particularly interesting blog.  my writing skills are mediocre-i write for me.  it is essentially just a public journal.  still, i enjoy the process of writing quite a lot and it is bliss for me.  however, i don't necessarily like the idea of turning this bliss into sustenance for fear the act of jotting down my thoughts or attempting a sort of art of the written word could somehow be sullied for me.

recently i have considered trying to perform standup comedy.  i am critical of most comedians and i hold the great comedians in the highest esteem. lenny bruce, andy kaufman, dick gregory, richard pryor, george carlin, robin williams, steve martin, woody allen, chris rock,sam kinison, billy crystal, jim carrey, lily tomlin, johnny carson, bill hicks, and  bill maher are like gods to me.  the reason i love comedy is because i find people inescapably entrenched in an idealogy they usually adopted without any sort of critical analysis.  comedy seems to me the only remedy for that ailment.  comedy was crucial to me leaving behind the republican, christian ideas of my youth, you know, the ones foisted upon me by all those who would tell me what to do, what to read, what to think, and not to question.  if not for george carlin reaching me, if not for the lenny bruce movie with dustin hoffman, if not for kaufman and pryor and others pointing out the absurd, i may not have been able to move.  comedy is powerful.  when bruce and carlin discussed words and the power of words the message was plain and clear.  i came to know for certain that words were just words but that ideas held real power.  i came to know that the more you say fuck, the less power it holds.  fuck.  fuck.  fuck.  fuck.  fuck.  it is just a word.  fuck.  it represents a multitude of ideas.  for some it means intercourse.  for others it may represent something far more violent and selfish.  it is not love.  it is fuck.  fuck.  use it in public or in a controlled environment and watch the feathers ruffle.  it is a powerful word.  fuck.  fuck it.  fuck you.  i don't give a flying fuck.  people offended by words are silly and impertinent is what i came to conclude.  when i say fuck my five-year-old son hears fock.  i know because the other day he hit his foot on the coffee table and blurted out "fock!"  subsequently we had a discussion about where he heard that word, (me,) and what it means, (it means he is mad.)  i explained the word is not socially acceptable and so he cannot use it in public ever.  he understood and i haven't heard it since.  in the course of our conversation we both used the word several times.  i wasn't freaked out as if his use of the word had to be stopped post haste as if it meant something about him.  in fact i told him there is a time to use that word, like when he accidentally kicks the coffee table with his bare foot.  (that said we went on to agree we should both exercise greater control so that we do not utter it inadvertently in public.)  but, fuck.  fuck.  are you shocked?  i did not think so but even less with how many times i have written the word here, right?  anyway, the comedians helped me to understand this point.  (fuck-lenny bruce died for trying to make this point.)  for me comedy is a powerful art form.  comedy can help people to change.  so i have wondered recently if comedy could be my bliss.

campbell said it is possible to be so influenced by the ideals and commands of my neighborhood that i might not really know what i really want to or could be.  when i think about what i like to write about, or the comedy i was writing for a would be performance some weeks back, or the movies i tend to enjoy or the books i choose to read, (or my values,) i can see my bliss in there.  my bliss is about justice and hastening change.  my bliss is about defending the powerless.  (why wouldn't it be considering my relative lack of power?) 

i was born into this world by a 14-year-old mother who went on to spend my childhood in various penitentiaries.  my father was a popular boy at school two years her senior who was in absentia for me from day one.  i never met him.  i never had any power.  when i reached the age of making my own decisions, (and in spite of my inability to do so,) i found i was alone.  while i was especially fortunate to have my uncle step in and essentially take over as my father the relationship was and is not of the ilk i could, for example, ask him for a loan.  i was and remain alone, (excepting my children of course.)  the family and friends i have who would help me out if ever a need arose, are not of the means to do much and i don't mean to lament that fact.  i am of the masses and this fact defines me for me. 

i am, however, familiar with those who are unlike me.  i know some who have had certain advantages passed down to them from their forebears.  (i still think born rich is perhaps the most powerful film i have ever seen.)  there are millions upon millions of people who have had it worse than me but still, i see a wealthy world around me with a glut of riches and instead of a reasonable distribution of that wealth or fair access to it i see an elite, wealthy class controlling everything.  had i been born out in the desert somewhere and left to fend for myself i would ultimately discover that i need currency just to have a place to live or else i should go to jail.  i cannot squat on some unused piece of land out in the wilderness.  i am forced to participate in this society.  i am not totally opposed to that idea but i yearn for fairness.  if in fact i was born with certain unalienable rights, (included among those the rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness,) i want those rights to have meaning.  i want to be free and i want to be free to pursue my own interests.  as it is i am beholden to participate.  i must work.  that particular value is non-negotiable.  i must work.  in spite of my willingness to work very hard at a variety of tasks my ability to choose at what endeavor i will work is limited.  if i participate in such a way as to follow all of the rules by succeeding in school at all levels in order to get into my desired profession it is possible to find and choose my bliss.  however, in this day i would likely have accrued a burdensome debt for my trouble.  is that fair?  i don't think so.  when this country offered free public education even through college, (like most of the countries of europe and even some third world countries like cuba,) when the collective society offered health care to everyone as part and parcel of citizenship, when we sought to rehabilitate instead of simply to incarcerate, we were a more fair and equitable country.  what happened?  our wealthy class used their wealth to change policies.  they have purchased our democracy and they employ vast amounts of propaganda to persuade the regular and poor masses to push forward their agenda, which is basically a set of policies meant to help them to control their money not just for now but forever. 

ours is a utilitarian society and there are not many children who grow up wanting to be grocery store clerks or garbage men, honorable professions as they may be.  the point is we all have to participate, unless of course we are wealthy.  i knew someone whose grandfather drew some famous cartoons back in the '50s and '60s.  the cartoons provided such a level of wealth that neither the person i knew nor his father have ever worked.  they work on cars, making hotrods, but it is not a money-making venture in any respect.  i have known a few wealthy people and of course i have known of many wealthy persons.  my observation is that those who have no need whatsoever to pursue a living because they have been given a substantial amount of wealth do not make for good, contributing members of society.  (again, see born rich for several examples.)  in any case this is my perspective and from whence it comes. 

campbell said if i don't listen to the demands of my heart, (if i don't pursue my bliss,) i risk a schizophrenic crackup.  he said i would be off centered.  he said there are countless people who have stopped listening to themselves but rather listen to their neighbors to learn what they ought to do, how they ought to behave, and what the values are they should live for. 

i don't feel like i can reach my bliss.  it feels too far far away.  i feel too old to even think about my bliss.  entertaining thoughts of my bliss feels expensive.  i love joseph campbell and am grateful for learning what i am learning from him.  (by the way he also told me i should read multiple books by an author rather then perhaps the best work of so many in order to really gain something from the voice by getting closer to knowing what he or she was going through or from whence he came.  i like that idea.  it makes sense and is in contrast to what i have done excepting a few beloved writers.)  even this exercise has helped me to understand that my bliss lies in working to overcome the ignorance and darkness of the world, to uplift the masses and create more equitable societies.  still, i don't know how to do that and survive, and provide for my family.  i need to get back to customer service.