A Moon Shaped Hole in My Heart

The hole or the pool or the crater or whatever it is on the cover artwork of Radiohead's new record, 'A Moon Shaped Pool,' looks like the feeling you have in your chest and stomach when you listen to it.  The music is tense and nervous, sickly sweet and disgusting.  This is not the music of the day.  It does not make you want to fuck.  It is not uplifting like an affirmation yelped into a morning mirror as if to charge or embolden.  It is not the humdrum singalong whistling tune by which to work your day around.  This is grown-ass men making thoughtful, artistic music as commentary, warning, diatribe, bombast and spectacle.  The children will not like 'A Moon Shaped Pool,'-remove them.


When a band composes music filled with minor chords and dark lyrics and dissonant sounds people tend to characterize it as depressing or even suicidal.  They mock what they don't understand.  The music affects them darkly.  It is not what they want or expect from their music.  An aesthete by contrast appreciates being moved at all costs.  If art bothers, confuses, invigorates in any direction or spurs something inner, some sort of inertia by means of the five senses, it is successful in its endeavor. Art moves and 'A Moon Shaped Pool,' is high art indeed. 


If you are an aesthete you will appreciate the opening track, 'Burn the Witch.'  It is an apt allusion to any witch hunt.  It is not necessarily about immigration, illegal or otherwise, in the United States, but the general sense you get, of gathering around the bar or the office and complaining about others while avoiding eye contact, or responsibility for your own personal witch hunt, is apt.  You live in a time of witch hunts, with a drumming, forward beat, jaunty in its momentum, blithe even.  There is no time to think, only to burn the witch. 


'Dreamers,' the second track is a dull warning about how impotent dreams are.  You can spend your life dreaming the world is somehow bright and cheery, the way the music of major chords and bright lyrics portray life.  However, if you view the world in such a way you have constricted your view to a narrow glimpse of images projected onto a wall, perhaps in your own mad cave, for the purpose of believing something that is simply not true. 'Dreamers' reminds you that life can be beautiful and sublime but only if viewed while awake, confronting the darkness with eyes wide open.


'Decks Dark,' asks if you have had enough of your former partner, (perhaps.)  Are you over him who exposes the truth?  Are you ready to go back to the cave or do you want to know it all?  Certainly you can choose enlightenment but if you don't, the foray to knowledge and life will be just a laugh, and certainly the decks will be dark. 
It's not as if Radiohead is so serious or so self involved as to believe their art, their music, can change the world, wake people, open you.  Still, they offer ideas with mood and intensity that spirit you forward, tumbling into the abyss to arrive wherever you may, maybe even a moon shaped pool. 
On 'Desert Island Disk' you are offered a respite from the weight of murky light.  Yorke tells you he feels light.  (You are sure he means it both ways.)  The song is all positivity.  If there is a Radiohead song you will want to include on your desert island disk it will be the hopeful one, the one that assures you no matter how much understanding you arrive at, no matter how much isolation it brings you from those who would run and hide from the light as if the suffocation would not give way to a higher plane, you know the truth.  "Different types of love are possible."
It is possible this collection of songs dating back into the 90s are culled together for far more personal reasons.  They may just be Yorke's epitaph punctuating the end of his own long term relationship.  Perhaps the full stop period is an ending that still tastes like bad medicine.  Perhaps you have experienced your own 'Ful Stop,' a partner who betrayed trust and threw it all away.  She put the full stop on your relationship and Yorke has a revelation for her, "the truth will mess you up."
When love turns cold in the heart of someone with 'Glass Eyes,' it can only sound as exquisite as this when Radiohead composes it, (with the help of an accomplished string section.)  You are familiar with this setting, the dark, angry, complicated lyrics with the candied falsetto floating over the top of it all.  In many ways it does not matter to you what the singer croons.  On the other hand you know the message will sink in and take you later by surprise.  You can't help recalling that former partner with the glass eyes.  All the warmth you once knew with her turned icy cold.  Icy fucking cold.


'Identikit,' continues the post mortem.  It is a bitterly dissonant song musically full of confusion but with a melody you recognize at once.  It is the melody of grief, of the aftermath.  Broken hearts do make it rain and the tears you shed are personal and for your kind.  In so many ways 'A Moon Shaped Pool,' conjures the pain social media seems to add to breakups.  'Identikit,' may be the acidic answer to the pain of seeing and hearing.  You would rather see your former lover as just another anyone, a common patchwork identikit of anyone, anyone at all, not someone special who knew, who knew...
L'est you ever think Radiohead is in anything short of all that came before, 'The Numbers,' proves their discography is the culmination of all that came before.  It feels like the continuation of the Beatles and Led Zeppelin and Neil Young.  The Numbers is pure message.  The future is inside us.  We are of the earth.  Open on all channels.  One day at a time.  We call upon the people.  People have the power.  The numbers don't decide.  There's much more.  You listen and you fall in love with hope and truth all over again because amidst all this heartbreak you know, everything out there is in here.  Wonder.
'Present Tense,' is a staggering attempt at empathy.  Yorke puts himself in her shoes and identifies through the pain with how lost one can be when confronted with so much growth. 


On 'Tinker Tailor Solder Sailor Rich Man Poor Man Beggar Man Thief,' you feel like tagging her.  She is it.  You've said your peace.  The pain comes and goes, ebbs and flows, and if you are suspicious, if you are paranoid, you must be it.  You can't help but want to tag her again to rid yourself of this pain. 
'True Love Waits,' may have been about chastity rings when it was conceived 20+ years ago but here, where it belongs on a Moon Shaped Pool, it becomes the simple cry it is.  It is a promise that can't be kept of course, and a plea.  "Don't leave."  You can't help but feel this way in the wake as the water crests you under.  You can know the end was inevitable.  You can be at peace with the outcome but you will still have those moments when you remember how good it was or more importantly how good it could have been, how good it still could be if somehow it all came back together in a perfect way, (because it would take a perfect way after all this, right?)  "Don't leave," Yorke intones.  "Don't leave.  The burden of loss and sadness in unmistakable.  Love hurts.  And maybe true love is a juvenile emotion.  It seems that way when you try so hard, when your heart is as pure as the chastity of a young supplicant, When you have no control and can't keep what you love.  "Don't leave," you plead,
'A Moon Shaped Pool' is not easily defined.  It is not this kind of record or that kind of record.  It is a long way from the sets of stellar pop songs The Bends and Pablo Honey were.  It is not quite OK Computer, Kid A or Amnesiac in their knowable conceptual themes.  It is more, really.  It is all of those things and In Rainbows too, but with greater maturity and perhaps even complexity, (you think.)  By the way, Street Spirit would fit like a jigsaw puzzle on this record.


As for the album art, the moon shaped pool is actually a face, a specter or apparition, appearing in an aftermath of confusion.  Maybe it's Yorke's face separated out by so many shades leaving only his right eye and what looks like a sprawling nose and a puff of smoke coming from his mouth.  Like so much of Radiohead's music this collection represents a person alive and at odds with his environment, (therapy) thereby achieving an uncommon, prescient harmony. 

true love waits

true love waits

i'll drown my beliefs, to have you be in peace

i'll dress like your niece, to wash your swollen feet

just don't leave, don't leave

i'm not living, i'm just killing time

your tiny hands, your crazy kitten smile

just don't leave, don't leave

and true love waits, in haunted attics

and true love lives, on lollipops and crisps

just don't leave, don't leave

just don't leave, don't leave

the first time i heard true love waits it was a warbly, bootleg recording. radiohead would bust the song out occasionally, tease audiences with this sickly sweet crooner of a tune, then just as quickly act as if it never happened and they had no idea what song people were talking about. (eventually they acknowledged the song's existence by releasing a live version on the 'i might be wrong,' ep.)

if you clicked on it above and listened however, you will know what i am talking about when i say 'true love waits,' is beautiful. when i heard it, all warbly and thom yorkey, falsetto spooning my ears with that chorus, "true love waits...don't leave...just don't leave..."

yeah, it's desperate but perfect.for me it arrived post any fantastical notions about fairy tale true love and all that but it served to remind me and revive the memory of those feelings and so on a nostalgic level it appealed to me anew. i can listen to it any time. it conjures children so deeply in love they could hurl themselves in front of a speeding train if denied. i miss that feeling in a way, though i would never return to it. still, i visited it every so often by listening to this song.

however today i learned of something called a true love waits pledge. the pledge is used by christian youth to affirm their faith and commitment to remaining chaste until marriage and it goes like this:

believing that true love waits, i make a commitment to god, myself, my family,
my friends, my future mate and my future children to a lifetime of purity
including sexual abstinence from this day until the day i enter a biblical
marriage relationship.

and as you may have guessed, i saw radiohead's 'true love waits,' a completely new light. now it seems to me the real meaning on commentary are not as the surface may suggest, that true love, real love, the meaningful pure love, waits, that it somehow knows itself and guards itself and waits out circumstances. no. rather it seems the idea that true love waits is commentary on the immaturity and perhaps even ignorance of chastity vows. obviously choosing not to have sex, at any age, is not immature, but choosing not to have sex because of mythology, be it belief in imaginary creatures or afterworld punishment or that a future relationship will somehow be soiled or sullied, is silly.

it was this article that got me to thinking about all of this and it is a truly interesting read.

paltrow produces radiohead

at about the 7:36 moment of this video you can hear gwyneth paltrow's introduction of radiohead at the grammies. at the end of her intro, "utterly brilliant."

paltrow's intro:

the extraordinary band about to play for us begins the next song with these
beautiful words: "how come i end up where i started? how come i end up where i
went wrong?" yet in truth, they have never went wrong. together they've become
one of the most influential, adventurous and thoroughly artistic musical groups
of all-time. performing '15 step,' from 'in rainbows,' nominated tonight as
album of the year, and accompanied by the usc trojan marching band, the utterly
brilliant, radiohead.

this gwyneth paltrow impresses me. in addition to her refined speech, she finds just the right balance in introducing the artists of our day. how does one do that without sounding worshipful or snobbish or self-centered or something? well, paltrow figured it out. she lays the praise on thick but she keeps it brief. she allows herself to be seen as a sycophantic schoolgirl for radiohead for a moment when she dubs them one of the most thoroughly artistic musical groups of all-time. she sums with "utterly brilliant," which radiohead simply is, and only adds to her own legend, (through affiliation,) as a classy and accomplished artist in her own right.

you and whose army

Come on, come on You think you drive me crazy Come on, come on You and whose army? You and your cronies Come on, come on Holy roman empire Come on if you think Come on if you think You can take us all on You can take us all on You and whose army? You and your cronies You forget so easily You ought to know You ought to know Oh so sad Oh so sad Oh so sad You ought to know You ought to know I'm so sad I'm so sad I'm so sad..

bests and faves and lists

christy hardin smith has a fun post over at firedoglake this morning. (it is linked in the header.) as of now, 1.5 hours after she posted it there are nearly 200 comments. the fire puppies are having fun with this thread/stroll down memory lane. i thought i'd answer the questions right here. (christy's questions are in red. my answers in blue. would love to see some comments on this post if anyone happens to read it.)

Best concert you ever saw? Where, when, and who?

radiohead at the hollywood bowl in support of amnesiac, (i think?) this is a tough one because of course i want to say it was radiohead at the santa barbara bowl. i want to mention the night i saw tool, porno for pyros, fishbone, and alice in chains at the palladium. u2 at the san diego sports arena the night i shook bono's hand during the show was pretty awesome. (11th row?) pearl jam from the 3rd row at the fargo dome. i saw de la soul, the sugarcubes, pil and new order once at aztec stadium and it was perhaps the most sun-drenched, youthful day of my existence. u2 in denver with my brother was the bomb. i think we grooved more to the opening act, rage against the machine, than u2 that night on the pop mart tour. rage against the machine at the palladium, the democratic national convention or coachella was pretty awesome. tom morello at the el rey this past autumn was memorable. frank black at the glass house in pomona. the pixies at the universal amphitheatre when frank black went all psychedelic and had his guitar decked out in black lights and on a bungee cord so he could bounce it reverberating off the ground. the scorpions with bon jovi was a great show and a night that ended around 8am. the night chaka khan kissed me on the cheek was cool. in the 6th row in wisconsin for the tibetan freedom concert i got to see eddie vedder that day, along with run dmc, the beastie boys, rage, tracy chapman, blondie, the cult, the roots and others. i saw a cool benefit concert one night at the wiltern which featured mike ness, (solo,) eddie vedder, (all by himself,) and beck, who brought thom yorke out for a song.) u2 at the long beach civic auditorium from about the 30th row, standing on fold-up chairs the entire show to see over the heads of everyone in front of us in 1983, with bono waving that white flag around... ahh but alas, it is radiohead. it would be radiohead if i got to see them again tomorrow.

Best album EVAR?

i am going to go with u2's achtung baby.

If I could see any live performance past, present or future -- who would it be and why?

jeff buckley at the sin e coffe house in nyc. that one was easy. why? because i never saw him live and yet, because i have listened to every second of every live thing he recorded countless times. because i lived with jeff buckley for seasons metaphorically, times when life was hard and depression sunk in like a stone in water. jeff buckley's grace was with me in those times, perhaps feeding my feelings of despair but comforting me at the same time. there were weekend when i came home from work on friday and never came out of my house until i had to go to work on monday morning. in between i listened to jeff during all waking hours, wallowing in self-pity, desperate and alone. it's weird how you can miss a time like that all while hoping you never, ever end up in such a place again. jeff was an unbelievable talent and the fact he left the world early only increases that sense of wishing i had seen him perform live. and whether it would have been at sin e or the bataclan in paris, any of those early shows when he was working out who he would become as an artist, when he had the hat in front of him and played requests for cash to pay his rent, wow-i wish i had been there.

Song you've found yourself humming along to lately that you are embarrassed to admit you like?
hmm. if i like it i am usually not embarrased by it. there is this song...i don't know who sings it but the chorus she keeps singing is, 'i'm in trouble..." (just googled it. it's pink.)

Song that always gets stuck in your brain, no matter how much you loathe it?

haven't had one of these in a long time. i remember once upon a time when it was the nookie by limp bizkit.

Recording artist you'd most like to see struck with laryngitis?

kid rock.

Cover song you'd most like to see attempted?

i would love to hear radiohead slow down men at work's it's a mistake and radiohead it up a bit.

If you could put together your dream band, who would be in it?

eddie vedder crooning. jeff buckley on lead guitar. thom yorke on keyboards. dave grohl on drums. my friend dave lenci on bass.

Best vocals EVAR?

i guess i would say buckley on a live version of lover, you should've come over. still, thom yorke on you and whose army or bono on the live version of bad from wide awake in america is pretty hard to dismiss. that from the mars volta just wails, too.

Best guitar playing EVAR?

i'll go old school on this and say jimmy page on the song remains the same. there are moments when the photography of that day could not keep up with his fingers. i think page's guitar playing just killed about a decade of guitarists who simply quit because they knew they could never reach his plateau.

Best song in the history of music is _______?

black, by pj? nooooo... one, by u2? i am the walrus? what i got? rainy day woman? song 2? true love waits? blue monday? some girls? hey? come undone? haile sellase up your ass? no, i am going to go with famoous blue raincoat by leonard cohen. ahh, now that is sublime.

the best band in the world: today and 25 years ago

i was thinking about talking heads today while listening to this song. it occurred to me too, that they filled that spot in the musical spectrum that radiohead fills today. of course radiohead took their name from a talking heads song but there is more to it than that.

some people want more than hard rocking from their favorite band. they may want music that is also going to make them get up and dance. they may want lyrics that are thoughtful, complex and interesting. they may want their music to be high art. they probably want a great voice and great musicianship. they want innovation and timelessness. this is the top of the musical food chain i am talking about.

the talking heads were an ultra smart band. they made records with companion art house films. while lesser bands lke styx continued to pursue the rock operas of 'tommy' and 'the wall,' talking heads discovered or invented the neo-impressionist album with 'little creatures.' 'little creatures,' was a collection of songs with similar themes, which worked together to leave a certain, lasting impression. if forced to sum little creatures up in one sentence, i might come up with: as humans we are little creatures, though of love, and sometimes our lives are sublime, and often we procreate, but in the end we have to guard ourselves from falling prey to the laziness which would cause ignorance. that is 'and she was,' to 'road to nowhere,' in my humble opinion and without little creatures there might never have been an ok computer because one is a blueprint for the other whether it was used and followed or not, (and i doubt it was though i guess it sunk in as great art does.)

the songs on both records stand alone but simultaneously contribute to and evoke the same feelings and emotions. on little creatures there is a simple beauty or a simple happiness that comes with the finite and miniscule. listening you can feel them all at once. similarly on ok computer there are songs that stand alone and have well defined themes in and of themselves but taken together, there is an overall feeling of an impending technological doom and cognitive dissonance that serves as a warning to the little creatures who created all of these machines.

'electioneering' is one of the more obscure tracks from ok computer but it exemplifies the potency of radiohead and particularly, this album.

i will stop at nothing, say the right things when electioneering, i trust i can
rely on your vote. when i go forwards you go backwards...

it's the politician speaking as country preacher with utter honesty and in the end he even tells his would be voters when he goes forward, they will go backwards. it spoke to the confusion of the modern age, of the age of the internet.

there are other great bands. certainly u2, pearl jam, the pixies, and others. they have made truly great records. but they never occupied that niche that is and was the realm of talking heads and radiohead. it is that apex where the art house and mass appeal meet, that place where the vibrating brain meets the shaking ass meets the pulsating heart of the champion, that place where influences lose all pretense at the altar of invention, that place from where everyone takes their cue.