D smile

i am looking at a picture of my son, atop of a phony burro on olvera street, garbed in a colorful zarape style poncho and underneath a 10-gallon sombrero, and I can’t help wondering when his station in life will dawn on him. in the photo he is so hopeful it could make you cry. the picture was taken on a bright, sunny day and his disposition fit it perfectly. he was perhaps 8 months old when the picture was taken.

the sombrero sits back on his head the way a cowboy in an old western film would have worn his hat after all the fighting and hubbub were done, when he was ready to kick up his feet and relax. carefree.

i wonder if there are any babies in the bush family, or the mellons or the rockefellers or kennedys and if so, if mark would appear as less than in some way if stationed next to one of them. i imagine myself a servant to one of these great families living downstairs and mark being born into that life of servitude, learning from day one that he is not the person his economically advantaged peers from upstairs are.

i struggle to pay my bills every month and i am remiss about the fact that i have brought mark into this world of disadvantage. with me as his father, it may very well be that he cannot afford to attend college. i don’t own a house. i have no real savings to speak of. i have a retirement account that equates to about as much security as mark’s poncho would provide in an alaskan snowstorm.

in the picture mark looks like romulus returning to rome after conquering yet another addendum to his empire. he is looking directly into the camera and he is smiling but with his tongue out, pressed down over his bottom lip, giving the effect of a ‘D’-shaped mouth. he could not be happier.

i suppose there is another half mark’s fortune compares so favorably to. i suppose he could have been born on the african continent. i suppose he could have had a father who did not love him as i do, who was not committed to him in the way i am even if my resources are limited. perhaps he has reason to be so bright-eyed and smiley.

in fact, i hope he is not so self-centered. i hope his happiness is not so clearly linked to his own fortunes but are perhaps more tied to the fortunes of his community near and far. i hope mark becomes a citizen of the world, one of those people who votes for the candidate who does not necessarily promise to do so many things for his finite demographic but rather who runs on a platform of doing what is right and what is right for the most people, for humanity at large.

if that comes to pass i’ll be the old guy with my hat pushed back on my had and the ‘D’-shaped smile.