jeff

There is a guy I kind of love who is, unbeknownst to himself in all likelihood, a racist.  I love him from nostalgia and from knowing his goodness.  Deep in his heart I know he loves. 

Outwardly he hates.  He used to be engaged to be married to my sister and they spent a decade together, a decade in which he was a part of my family and a good father figure to my nephew and niece.  In approaching the subject that is my former brother-(not-quite-)in-law it is important for me to start there, with the fact that I love him.

I do not love the persona he has embraced in the years since he went his own way.  Our relationship is now defined by our connection on facebook. 

On facebook JEFF POSTS ONLY IN ALL CAPS.

That in itself is sociopathic behavior, which many other facebook friends and acquaintances, (along with myself,) have tried to dissuade Jeff from.  He refuses to change his all caps posting. 

When Jeff and I used to commiserate and commune at family gatherings he was not particularly political.  He seemed to harbor some anger in those days that was not directed at any person or group in particular but revolved around his own hard luck navigating his life and making ends meet.  Occasionally he would engage me on a subject that bothered him and when we disagreed he tended to defer to me perhaps because I put together a more cohesive argument. 

Since Jeff and my sister split Jeff fell on some hard times and eventually left California to join his family transplanted from Ohio in Florida.  He ended up going to trucker school and now he traverses the country in a big rig.  He has become exceedingly political in the last few years and I surmise he is listening to Glen Beck as he drives back and forth across the United States. 

He hates President Obama.  He believes Obama is not a Christian, is not American, and is intent on bringing the USA to its knees in every way.  He disdains anyone and everything that is liberal if strictly on the basis of that thing, person or idea being liberal, left, educated, reasoned or on the side of the masses. 

For me it is easy to dismiss Jeff's, (Beck's,) ideas for any number of reasons.  I know that his views require a suspension of intelligent reason in large part based on mountains of evidence.  (Just today I read yet another article which represents the kind of evidential reason I speak of.  Paul Krugman wrote an article in the New York Times about the economic turnaround in California.  Krugman cites facts, which do not require any faith to be placed in his status as a Nobel Prize winning economist, to understand.  In the big picture what Krugman writes about California is representative of so many facts on record about our country and the world at large.)

Still, Jeff firmly believes that if he can argue a point then that argument has as much merit as any other point of view.  He is immoveable in his beliefs about immigrants ruining this country, the social safety net destroying the American dream and so on.  Jeff is angry.  I assume his personal struggle to survive has created a certain desperation in his psyche which combined with his relative lack of background in critical thinking has left him to own a terribly misguided anger.  Jeff hates.  It starts with Obama and quickly spreads to Hillary, Pelosi, Krugman and anyone else Glen Beck suggests he should hate.

On facebook I participate in a group that often discusses political ideas and news of the day.  Generally the group is liberal or at least dominated by reasonably liberal posters.  Jeff is one of the few dissenters typically and he is wild in his dissent.  He has in ways moved the group from discussing nuances about policies, events and ideas to joining in to show Jeff the folly of his ideas.  At times we have discussed the intricacies of ideas as complex as term limits in meaningful ways.  Some reason that in our corrupt system of favors for favors and big money term limits are an absolute necessity.  Other have suggested that experienced, tenured legislators have value in knowing how to navigate the process to the benefit of society.  I consider this a valuable discussion.  I don't if Jeff even has an opinion about this particular issue.  Rather our group has devolved to some degree as Jeff will often make arguments so lacking in reason others of any stripe are compelled to reason with Jeff about his how arguments err.  Never has this tack born fruit.  Jeff is immoveable. 

Recently Jeff's arguments have become more obvious and hateful.  A friend of mine called me a month ago or so because she wanted me to know immediately that someone had posted on my facebook "wall," such hate-filled rhetoric it made her cry and she could not even finish reading it.  This friend happens to be a young idealist.  She is as filled with love and well meaning as anyone I know.  She was literally appalled and wanted me to know quickly so I could delete Jeff's posts because she thought they might in some way reflect on me and she would never want me to be seen by anyone as in any like Jeff.  I had already read Jeff's posts and I was not moved to delete them, (which is not to say I did not find them disgusting.  What Jeff wrote was thoroughly disgusting.) 

I remember a story I once read about a yogi who described the monks in the monastery he lived in as like so many pebbles in a sack.  He said by living with one another and communing daily, like pebbles they rubbed against one another and the effect was that of polishing the individuals.  I like this metaphor.  It is why I like discussion groups on facebook or elsewhere.  I think it is important for humans to discuss and disagree and reason and gain ground on some agreements perhaps more so in this modern computer age of disconnection.  I am attracted to free and open exchanges of ideas. 


Another good and close friend contacted me a few days after my young idealist friend reached me to say that he had had enough of Jeff's unintelligible, racist rants and that he was going to have to leave the group.  I understood even if I did not want him to leave.  I would prefer my friend had thicker skin. I would he stayed and countered Jeff or ignored him, both responses having the same effect of denouncing Jeff's arguments for what they are, mere tripe.  My friend hoped to persuade me to remove Jeff from the group.  I understood his entreaty but I could not bring myself to move on it, (though it was a real consideration.)

Right around the same time another friend of mine engaged Jeff in an argument that quickly devolved into one of name calling.  My friend is a writer and he fairly eviscerated Jeff with some of the most lewd and disgusting images I have ever read.  In turn Jeff followed suit and basically played the same themes back to my friend but of course, in choosing the same course Jeff revealed his lack of imagination and showed himself the inferior put down artist.  Later my friend returned to the argument and deleted all of his posts. 

Jeff is still my friend on facebook and in truth, I still love him.  I hate his ideas.  I think they represent a serious lack of scholarship and worse, a weak-minded succumbing to the tools of propaganda.  After all Jeff is not a man of means.  He barely scrapes by in his life and yet he espouses ideas and values of the wealthy class. 

Personally I have grown tired of engaging with Jeff.  In the last month I may have commented on something he said once or twice.  Yes, when all that ranting and raving was going on I did jump in near the end and chided Jeff a little, reminding him of the Jeff I once knew who helped raise my nephew and niece and who was not the man of hate he now portrays himself to me.  I don't know if those words had any affect on Jeff whatsoever but he did not respond to them.  For me arguing with Jeff has kind of run its course.  Still, I have chosen not to disassociate myself from Jeff. 

I don't see Jeff changing.  I don't see anything I say changing him in any meaningful way but I do think it is preferable to disagree with Jeff or argue with him on occasion to simply removing him from the discourse.  For me it is important to still love Jeff though I expect the same from no one else.