imminent collapse

michael ruppert is a modern day voice crying in the wilderness, (quite literally now that he seems to be in venezuela putting out podcasts he calls the wildercast.)  he is here to tell us, society at large or his species, about the impending doom we face.  he is not wrong.

i stumbled upon this self-described avant garde film on netflix and i watched it specifically because netflix had a note thereon that indicated the film would be available through streaming only until tomorrow.  it is absolutely worth watching.

ruppert's foremost assertion is that we have passed peak oil production and as available energy declines, we will suffer.  in fact our population numbers will decline proportionately according to ruppert which is interesting in as much as over-population seems like it should be of our most important concerns.  in turn he discusses how economies will decline, how fractional reserve banking and derivatives will contribute to that failure, what this apocalypse will look like and what we should do to prepare for and cope with it. 

"if you are out in the wilderness with a group camping and a bear attacks," ruppert advises, "you don't have to run faster than the bear.  "you only have to run faster than the slowest camper."

i thought that was a fascinating quote and it was ruppert's way of saying the weakest would suffer first.  bleak, no?  i won't go through the entire film for you.  the embedded version from youtube is obviously a german version based on the german subtitles but i am happy to have found it so you don't have to have netflix. 

watch it and let me know what you think?  ruppert makes some especially interesting observations.  he suggests people buy real gold in order to have a valuable commodity/currency post collapse.  he talks about the importance of collaboration and adhering to a community.  he talks about learning how to garden, understanding arable land and its inherent value and using it.  he posits that good, organic seeds could be an alternative currency in a future post collapse.  (that made a lot of sense to me and more than ever i want to plant a small garden perhaps in boxes.)

after watching this movie i was reminded of what chomsky said about conspiracy theories and conspiracy theorists.  he said these terms serve only to dismiss any substance that may exist in what they say.  a supposed conspiracy theory needs institutional analyzation.  i am certain ruppert's theories would stand up to institutional analysis.  if anything he may underestimate how creatively and effectively many of these events can be forestalled but short of drastic changes in how humans live, (something ruppert guessed would take no less than 20 years with serious hardship, to 50 or 100 years more gradually,) i believe the man is accurate in his assertions. 

one last thing.  ruppert said he doesn't debate anymore and that made perfect sense to me.  why would he?  anyone opposing him would call him a conspiracy theorist, draw arguments out by any means necessary thereby muddying the waters and appreciating their own credence, and ultimately weaken his position.  one can't teach or learn these things in a short period of time.  so to debate is a losing proposition. 

what happened to your life?

you wake up one day upset about a disagreement you had with your wife the previous night and before making it to lunch you bring it up with her and express your dissatisfaction and she responds by telling you she thinks the two of you need to separate.  you're floored.  you wonder if you had not brought up your discontentment would she have dropped this bomb. 

you consider the relationship and you have some discussions with your wife and the two of you agree to go to counseling, if only for the children's sake.  counseling is utterly unproductive, at least in terms of reconciliation, so you make an ultimatum. 

"if you move out i will never forgive you for taking away my power to give my children what i never had," you state matter of factly. 

she goes, unfazed, and on the fateful day you leave the house so she and her people can come in and take away your new, 52" television and so many other pieces of divided assets as it were.  you return home and you feel violated.  your living room is a mess.  you see the lines on the carpet where the vacuum cleaner could not reach and a few spider webs.  you feel akin to the spiders in their lonely, desolate lives, creating their webs for sustenance, pacing back and forth, waiting, waiting for something to happen, a meal or a disruption.  you wonder how spiders cope with their solitary lives.  you admire their focus.

you knew the relationship was in trouble, however.  you had been reluctant to attack the problem areas head on opting instead to focus on the positive and let good enough be just that.  life was hard with two small children but you felt like it was a season and you could address these areas later, perhaps when the children were a bit more self contained.  you were surprised to have that option closed to you and you hate being surprised unpleasantly.  it always feels like a mean mix of betrayal and embarrassment.

you get up everyday, none the less, and you go to work.  you collect the children on tuesdays and thursdays then every other friday after school you bring them home until monday morning when you drop them back off at school.  contact with your wife is severely cut though not totally.  you forward mail to her in a secret compartment of your daughter's school backpack and you text and email when you need to communicate.  your life is tolerable. 

five weeks later your boss is rude towards you and you dislike working for him anyway so you have a confrontation.  you tell him if he can't refrain from talking to you in such a manner he should lay you off so you will be eligible for unemployment while you look for another job.  he consents to that agreement so you return his car and his phone and you start looking for other work. 

you remember 17 years ago when you got a job working for a water delivery service how you had been determined to move up within the ranks of that company because you recognized your lack of an undergraduate degree as a career impediment.  12 years later you left that company to go to a little start up company that offered you more money and a great, if risky, environment.  you thought it was a good decision because now you would not work in the same place as your wife and you did not feel as valued by your new manager as you wanted to be anyway. 

two years later as the world economy floundered in the wake of bad mortgage loans and credit default swaps, you were laid off.  in seven months of unemployment you went on plenty of interviews and you rejected one offer before finally taking the position you would hold for the next few years.  and there you were less than three years later; unemployed again. 

maybe some people enjoy being unemployed...but you don't.  you don't mind some time off but sans a real income what good is all that time, you think.  on a daily basis you think of all the things you could be doing or would like to do but you are constrained by economy. 

when you do the math on your unemployment benefit income you realize you will be literally a few hundred dollars short of what you need to maintain your rent, your share of your children's private school tuition, and your household bills.  you could move to a smaller, less expensive place but you do not want to do that because she did that and you think staying put creates a certain sense of stability for your children.  you could take them out of the private school but you refuse to do that.  you believe with all of your heart this school is one of the very best things you have been doing for your kids.  you think the language skills they are learning will give them a certain advantage in the world, not just in being able to speak mandarin but also by nurturing diversity and multiculturalism.  you would rather spend your money on that education than on virtually anything else there is to spend your money on. 

your life is fat with struggle.  it is stressful having more going out than coming in.  when you have your kids you wear every hat.  you are the dad and the mom.  you cook and clean, encourage and scold, challenge and build confidence.  when you are short with them or when you opt to watch playoff hockey games instead of playing chess with your daughter, you feel bad but your energy is sapped and you crave the down time.  you resolve to make up for it later by initiating an activity in which you are 100% present and involved, like a hike or a day trip to the beach. 

how did you get here?  it is hard not to beat yourself up some.  it is hard to turn off that voice in your head that tends to berate yourself for so many failures.  how did you not listen to your college mentor when she said finishing school was the most important thing you were engaged in at that time?  why did you leave that company when you had nearly twelve years of employment under your belt with a great record and many good relationships within the company and you were not poorly positioned to realize your goals there?  you can't help the questions.

why didn't you realize prior to getting married when your wife said if it didn't work out that you both would have tried your best, that there was an unequal level of commitment evident in her nonchalance?  if you love writing so much why didn't you focus on that in school and work harder to make it a career?  how did you get here?

you feel like a spider.  you wake without any sort of employment commitment so you take your time.  you feed the cat and clean up her area.  you make coffee.  you comb through the job boards and send out a resume and cover letter or two.  you write a blog post.  the evening comes and you turn sports on the tv and you check your phone to see if anyone has contacted you.  nothing.  slowly you move into the kitchen for a meal.  you return to your computer.  you watch some tv and you apartment is a web-like dungeon.  you move around it, fiddling here and there, tidying it up, stopping to read a russian novel, posting to facebook as if everything is great and your life, like everyone on facebook's, is just rolling along so smoothly.  you check your phone to see if anyone has contacted you but it's just dictionary.com sending you the word of the day, or your hockey app informing you of the upcoming playoff schedule, or an email from bhatrimony.com, (you wonder how you got signed up to receive emails for finding an indian bride.)  you shower as the world goes on not unlike a spider in it's lonely web grooming itself, eight legs flitting about utterly unconcerned with the outside world but in your case, it feels like the outside world is unconcerned with you.  you are lost without your children.  lost.

when the kids are with you your perspective improves.  you have a sense of purpose and above all you love.  you are alive.  you know this because you love.  you love these two little people fiercely and you work hard to channel that love in such a healthy way as to give them the very best of you. 

it is a dark time in your life in spite of the great love you share with your children and you mean to embrace it.  you want to learn all that you can from the failed relationship with your wife.  you know you will appreciate a utilitarian job making good customer service for some company or another for a mediocre wage far more than you have in years.  you think the job is the key to fixing you.  an income and a work routine will make all the difference.  your dark and lonely season will transform and you will grow wings and venture out into the world again where you will face new challenges, meet new and interesting people and build relationships, and bring light to your little corner of the world to share with your children. 

follow my bliss

my name is michael and i am unemployed.  if admitting you have a problem is the first step toward overcoming it i am more than willing to let it be known.  being unemployed sucks even if i am the recipient of a maximum unemployment benefit every two weeks.  (sincere thanks to my community for your support.)

i have been working awfully hard to find gainful employment.  i have been on numerous interviews but for whatever reason, i just haven't gotten the offer as yet.  i spend my time looking and applying for jobs, taking care of my children, watching movies, staying informed, socializing with my friends, and reading books.  i am about to finish joseph campbell's 'the power of myth,' and like most books i feel like campbell is trying to tell me something but it is difficult to discern the message or perhaps it is just difficult finding a way to implement the message.

campbell is telling me to follow my bliss and i want to.  i want to follow my bliss badly.  recently as i have been unemployed and have had the luxury of free time i have considered what i really want to do with myself.  campbell said that if i am in a career or profession i do not find bliss in then i may be blocked.  he also said, "i think that anyone brought up in an extremely strict, authoritative social situation is unlikely ever to come to the knowledge of himself."

that fits me.  i grew up being told what to do and i was certainly indoctrinated.  first it was my grandfather who said it was his way or the highway.  later it was my uncle who i came to consider my father.  not only did he institute a firm hierarchy within the household in which i was not allowed to question him whatsoever with reprisal found in the strap of a belt, but he also gave me religion.  in the church, a christian fundamentalist church, i was taught to consider the will of god before making any or every decision.  talk about stultifying.  in the air force i was told not to question.  period.  mine was to do.  the spittled direction of my drill sergeant was to inquire as to how high i should jump on my way up.  in other words, do before thinking, or, follow orders before thinking.  at school i was told what to study, when to turn in assignments and what i needed to learn.  in fact when i dropped out of college, or, each time i dropped out of college, i discovered i had a severe authority complex.  i even decided to educate myself by reading the books i wanted to read.  (to give you an idea of the education i ended up with, here's a list of some of the books i chose: tropic of cancer, journey to the end of night, hunger, colossus of maroussi, sexus, plexus, nexus, sextet, henry miller on writing, the satanic verses, shame, the moor's last sigh, the ground beneath her feet, foucault's pendulum, a spy in the house of love, letters to a young poet, immortality, the unbearable lightness of being, laughable loves, the book of laughter and forgetting, things fall apart, don quixote, one hundred years of solitude, lolita, the sailor who fell from grace with the sea, the catcher in the rye, the death of ivan ilyich, the sun also rises, the stranger, the plague, slaughterhouse five, on the road, fahrenheit 451, i, claudius, claudius the god, stranger in a strange land, a confederacy of dunces, atlas shrugged, and many others.  many others including those i was told to read prior to my self education.)

i took exception almost randomly.  i hated cops and bosses.  i despised referees and got kicked out of recreational league basketball games every so often for openly berating them.  i wanted the world to be a meritocracy but of course, it is not.  in concert with my authority complex i came to love justice.  in short i became fiercely independent with absolutely no idea how to be independent.  for this there are consequences.

anyway, the point is not to bemoan all the shit from my childhood that may or may not have affected me and my decisions as an adult.  i am unemployed and i have been working like hell to find my way back into the workforce in the area i have been in for a number of years so as to command the highest wage possible for my family.  is it my bliss?  sadly, no.  it is not my bliss-it's not even close to my bliss, (though to be fair i have found gratifying aspects of it to make it tolerable.) 

what is my bliss?  i like to write.  i blog even, though almost no one reads my blog.  (apologies to my brother who is the only person likely to read it.)  beyond my brother the only persons to ever read my blog are people i might pass it to on occasion but since i do not blog regularly there is little chance of those people reading it on any regular basis.  moreover, it's not a particularly interesting blog.  my writing skills are mediocre-i write for me.  it is essentially just a public journal.  still, i enjoy the process of writing quite a lot and it is bliss for me.  however, i don't necessarily like the idea of turning this bliss into sustenance for fear the act of jotting down my thoughts or attempting a sort of art of the written word could somehow be sullied for me.

recently i have considered trying to perform standup comedy.  i am critical of most comedians and i hold the great comedians in the highest esteem. lenny bruce, andy kaufman, dick gregory, richard pryor, george carlin, robin williams, steve martin, woody allen, chris rock,sam kinison, billy crystal, jim carrey, lily tomlin, johnny carson, bill hicks, and  bill maher are like gods to me.  the reason i love comedy is because i find people inescapably entrenched in an idealogy they usually adopted without any sort of critical analysis.  comedy seems to me the only remedy for that ailment.  comedy was crucial to me leaving behind the republican, christian ideas of my youth, you know, the ones foisted upon me by all those who would tell me what to do, what to read, what to think, and not to question.  if not for george carlin reaching me, if not for the lenny bruce movie with dustin hoffman, if not for kaufman and pryor and others pointing out the absurd, i may not have been able to move.  comedy is powerful.  when bruce and carlin discussed words and the power of words the message was plain and clear.  i came to know for certain that words were just words but that ideas held real power.  i came to know that the more you say fuck, the less power it holds.  fuck.  fuck.  fuck.  fuck.  fuck.  it is just a word.  fuck.  it represents a multitude of ideas.  for some it means intercourse.  for others it may represent something far more violent and selfish.  it is not love.  it is fuck.  fuck.  use it in public or in a controlled environment and watch the feathers ruffle.  it is a powerful word.  fuck.  fuck it.  fuck you.  i don't give a flying fuck.  people offended by words are silly and impertinent is what i came to conclude.  when i say fuck my five-year-old son hears fock.  i know because the other day he hit his foot on the coffee table and blurted out "fock!"  subsequently we had a discussion about where he heard that word, (me,) and what it means, (it means he is mad.)  i explained the word is not socially acceptable and so he cannot use it in public ever.  he understood and i haven't heard it since.  in the course of our conversation we both used the word several times.  i wasn't freaked out as if his use of the word had to be stopped post haste as if it meant something about him.  in fact i told him there is a time to use that word, like when he accidentally kicks the coffee table with his bare foot.  (that said we went on to agree we should both exercise greater control so that we do not utter it inadvertently in public.)  but, fuck.  fuck.  are you shocked?  i did not think so but even less with how many times i have written the word here, right?  anyway, the comedians helped me to understand this point.  (fuck-lenny bruce died for trying to make this point.)  for me comedy is a powerful art form.  comedy can help people to change.  so i have wondered recently if comedy could be my bliss.

campbell said it is possible to be so influenced by the ideals and commands of my neighborhood that i might not really know what i really want to or could be.  when i think about what i like to write about, or the comedy i was writing for a would be performance some weeks back, or the movies i tend to enjoy or the books i choose to read, (or my values,) i can see my bliss in there.  my bliss is about justice and hastening change.  my bliss is about defending the powerless.  (why wouldn't it be considering my relative lack of power?) 

i was born into this world by a 14-year-old mother who went on to spend my childhood in various penitentiaries.  my father was a popular boy at school two years her senior who was in absentia for me from day one.  i never met him.  i never had any power.  when i reached the age of making my own decisions, (and in spite of my inability to do so,) i found i was alone.  while i was especially fortunate to have my uncle step in and essentially take over as my father the relationship was and is not of the ilk i could, for example, ask him for a loan.  i was and remain alone, (excepting my children of course.)  the family and friends i have who would help me out if ever a need arose, are not of the means to do much and i don't mean to lament that fact.  i am of the masses and this fact defines me for me. 

i am, however, familiar with those who are unlike me.  i know some who have had certain advantages passed down to them from their forebears.  (i still think born rich is perhaps the most powerful film i have ever seen.)  there are millions upon millions of people who have had it worse than me but still, i see a wealthy world around me with a glut of riches and instead of a reasonable distribution of that wealth or fair access to it i see an elite, wealthy class controlling everything.  had i been born out in the desert somewhere and left to fend for myself i would ultimately discover that i need currency just to have a place to live or else i should go to jail.  i cannot squat on some unused piece of land out in the wilderness.  i am forced to participate in this society.  i am not totally opposed to that idea but i yearn for fairness.  if in fact i was born with certain unalienable rights, (included among those the rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness,) i want those rights to have meaning.  i want to be free and i want to be free to pursue my own interests.  as it is i am beholden to participate.  i must work.  that particular value is non-negotiable.  i must work.  in spite of my willingness to work very hard at a variety of tasks my ability to choose at what endeavor i will work is limited.  if i participate in such a way as to follow all of the rules by succeeding in school at all levels in order to get into my desired profession it is possible to find and choose my bliss.  however, in this day i would likely have accrued a burdensome debt for my trouble.  is that fair?  i don't think so.  when this country offered free public education even through college, (like most of the countries of europe and even some third world countries like cuba,) when the collective society offered health care to everyone as part and parcel of citizenship, when we sought to rehabilitate instead of simply to incarcerate, we were a more fair and equitable country.  what happened?  our wealthy class used their wealth to change policies.  they have purchased our democracy and they employ vast amounts of propaganda to persuade the regular and poor masses to push forward their agenda, which is basically a set of policies meant to help them to control their money not just for now but forever. 

ours is a utilitarian society and there are not many children who grow up wanting to be grocery store clerks or garbage men, honorable professions as they may be.  the point is we all have to participate, unless of course we are wealthy.  i knew someone whose grandfather drew some famous cartoons back in the '50s and '60s.  the cartoons provided such a level of wealth that neither the person i knew nor his father have ever worked.  they work on cars, making hotrods, but it is not a money-making venture in any respect.  i have known a few wealthy people and of course i have known of many wealthy persons.  my observation is that those who have no need whatsoever to pursue a living because they have been given a substantial amount of wealth do not make for good, contributing members of society.  (again, see born rich for several examples.)  in any case this is my perspective and from whence it comes. 

campbell said if i don't listen to the demands of my heart, (if i don't pursue my bliss,) i risk a schizophrenic crackup.  he said i would be off centered.  he said there are countless people who have stopped listening to themselves but rather listen to their neighbors to learn what they ought to do, how they ought to behave, and what the values are they should live for. 

i don't feel like i can reach my bliss.  it feels too far far away.  i feel too old to even think about my bliss.  entertaining thoughts of my bliss feels expensive.  i love joseph campbell and am grateful for learning what i am learning from him.  (by the way he also told me i should read multiple books by an author rather then perhaps the best work of so many in order to really gain something from the voice by getting closer to knowing what he or she was going through or from whence he came.  i like that idea.  it makes sense and is in contrast to what i have done excepting a few beloved writers.)  even this exercise has helped me to understand that my bliss lies in working to overcome the ignorance and darkness of the world, to uplift the masses and create more equitable societies.  still, i don't know how to do that and survive, and provide for my family.  i need to get back to customer service.

big change

i was thinking about an acquaintance of mine who in many ways i detest. i like him though, too. he is the type of person who when conversations turn political he immediately chimes in with what i will call the right wing mantra. it is almost comical how quickly, easily and innocently, (really,) he will state his case.

"lower taxes on the super wealthy is the only way to stimulate the economy."

"we have to invest in military defense funding or someone will come kick our ass."

"the war on drugs is necessary to maintain the moral fiber of our country."

that is the kind of crap this acquaintance will spew at the slightest provocation. it is at once maddening and endearing.

i was him once, too. i was a young republican. i was a conservative christian. i was a zealot of the first order in as much as i considered evangelizing my highest priority. politically, i voted for reagan and considered him the very best of governors. this is why i want to see where this acquaintance is in 10 years.

will he still be republican?

i could not be more diametrically opposite today from who i was back then in terms of values and political views. in those days i hated sin and cared mostly about the souls of men for eternity. today i care about people, large and small, far and wide, and their lives here in earth, (which is to say the conditions in which they live and their overall quality of life.) in those days if a politician professed his belief in jesus and pursued policies that seemed decent and righteous, i supported him. today if a politician fights for the people and takes positions that would lift the quality of life for the masses, i am for him.

when i was a young man i would speak to a liberal from time to time and there were times when i thought i discerned a certain smugness. today it seems like that smugness was really just how someone comes across when they are right. in any case i argued. i always felt like right was on my side, god's side. i had very little doubt, (until when my doubt grew.)

so i can't help but wonder if the day will come when this acquaintance too, will wake from his slumber and discover the truth. as it is he seems to hold his views out of altruism, which is to say he is a true believer. (i have no indication he is christian or in any way religious.) he believes tax cuts for the rich help america and all of her people. he believes labor unions are passe and corporations can be trusted to check themselves. he believes a number of ridiculous things that any sincere study should help one overcome but of course, too often what happens with most people is we become ideologues and we do not rise to the challenge of embracing change, real change, the kind of change that forces us to admit, "damn, yesterday i was something of an idiot." in fact if i get any credit in life thus far it is probably for this one thing. it was not easy and it certainly was not overnight. i resisted. but in time i changed completely. from zealot to agnostic, republican to progressive liberal, (ahh the labels sometimes just fail,) certain to uncertain, uninterested in real introspection, capable of it if still lazy too often, and the list goes on and on.

my acquaintance is a young man. he seems to be the kind of fellow who embraces the community of life, which is to say he enjoys the social nature of human beings. i was always like that. i wonder if that is what helped me move beyond the things of my youth and if in turn it will help my friend to embrace some change as it were.

the anarchy posts II

volume 1 - everything you know is wrong

A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher
a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts,
build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders,
cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for
insects.
-robert a. heinlein

specialization

i don't specialize. specialization is anathema to my essence. in our utilitarian society i could easily consider this aversion to be a curse or berate myself for not conforming, (or worse,) but i prefer to embrace this quality. the world seems to require specialization. i abhor it. i prefer variety.

specialization is for insects, heinlein said, and he was right. humans are wonderfully complex, unique and interesting creatures. we were meant to do all those things heinlein mentioned and a million-trillion more.

we all have just one life and while we live in a utilitarian society, which demands some amount of specialization for survival, it is still unnatural to our species to focus on just a few disciplines. moreover, when an employer demands specialization, they degrade the human experience. 

in a factory environment it is easy to see the value in specialization.  a piece of machinery is fairly complicated and accomplishes an important task in the fabrication process over and over and over. it makes sense to have a person operate that machine so that man and machine become as one and achieve maximum productivity, (particularly on the investment that is the machine.)  there are certain human beings who can thrive in that environment.  those obsessive compulsives who enjoy repetition and live in their own inner worlds are perhaps best suited for this type of employment.  that person however, is a slim minority.  what would be ideal for most humans in a factory setting would be if the employer trained and offered skills in several possibly related tasks which could be rotated.  in that way the stakeholder in the business, (the factory worker,) works and lives in a few environments, stays trained and up to date on developments in multiple disciplines and in turn has a higher quality of life from the challenge and the variety which in itself nurtures focus or at least meets the human psyche where it naturally thrives.  where would you rather work?  in the same place every day on the same piece of equipment doing the same task repetitively ad nauseum?  or the living, breathing factory wherein you are truly part of a team, rotating through a variety of tasks, competing on several levels most importantly with some other factory somewhere which manufactures the same final product, challenging yourself to do a good job and staying current on all aspects of your employment? 

variety represents control and humans prefer to control their own lives as much as possible.  it is likely true that most crime is enacted either in order to exert control or as a result of decreased or diminished control.  in this way variety represents better human health. 

after all of the education that culminated in high school graduation i went to live on campus at a four-year university and while i was irresponsible and i was bored and i was unfocused and undisciplined and i preferred socializing to organized learning, the real reason i failed after just two semesters was because i did not want anything to do with the specialization of settling into a career. not only did it frighten me, it made me numb.  my young life had been marked by the constant institution of structure and order and in escaping childhood i hoped and expected to be able to increase my control and spend a season exploring my natural compulsions to learn and experience sans a grand plan.  it made dropping out of college a natural and easy choice. it felt like loosening the chains and emerging to the first sweet droplets of freedom.  still, one needs currency just to survive, to say nothing of partaking of life in leaps and gulps and wide-eyed, symphonies and feasts of interest and engagement and fascination.

it is natural that employment should be at odds to some degree with the human condition, (voltaire be damned.)  some discipline is certainly good.  (and as i have mentioned numerous times, balance is the one quality that should be sought above all others and in heaping portions.) 

i went into the air force for four years and learned the skill of firefighting. i enjoyed learning how to fight fire and how to give advanced first aid and emergency care. i felt like i was living when i learned how to climb ladders and tie knots in the air force fire academy. when i manned a handline going into a fully involved structural blaze and encountered a wall of flames behind a door my crew had knocked down with an axe and widened my stream of water to cover the door and thereby kept the smoke and flames at bay, my life and my days seemed to crackle with electric, human energy. when i gave first aid to dead babies or murdered stepfathers or crashed motorcyclists, i transcended firefighting and what it is or was to be a firefighter. at other times when my fellow firefighters seemed like caricatures, living for vacations at the river, drinking way too much and practicing infidelity in, (or outside of,) their relationships, when exercises droned on with role playing any number of firefighting or hazmat scenarios, or when hours in the station bent into days and weeks wasted watching tv and polishing trucks and waiting, waiting, waiting for something to shake me from my somnambulence, i became utterly clear i was not ready to settle into a career as a firefighter. 

i worked in a bookstore for a few years.  the first two years went by in a blink of an eye.  every week i discovered a new author.  in spite of low wages i was allowed to take home stripped books or borrow hardcover books sans the dust jacket and i got an employee discount on the books that did not fit into either of those categories.  during those years i lapped up the works of henry miller, (and his favorites which he so graciously shared with me; his reader: blaise cendrars, knut hamsun, and the inimitable louis-ferdinand celine,) milan kundera, albert camus, umberto eco, salman rushdie, ernest hemingway, fyodor dostoyevsky, and leo tolstoy.  i nibbled at the ideas of rousseau, keynes, nietzsche, adam smith and chomsky.  i inhaled biographies of my heroes and icons.  eventually, through no fault of the writers, the book store ran its course for me but it was a wonderful time. 

i worked for two years as a laborer and carpenter apprentice. i felt the exhileration of demolishing structures. when i hammered away at an edifice i could feel my own muscles flexing unto impact and the feel of destruction radiating from hammer's head through my angry right arm into my heart which ached to destroy as all human hearts do.  i learned architectural principles, how to hammer bags and bags of 16-penny nails, how to screw risers so they would not squeak, how to roll trusses and stack roofs and how to build things.  it was like learning how to be physically human.  i would never have any interest in lifting weights in order to increase strength but increasing strength in order to accomplish more at work or be more skilled was instinctive.  walking on one-and-three-quarter inch wide pieces of wood set 16 inches apart 12 to 25 feet above ground was a skill worth learning.  after 10 hours of working with wood i would often go to the park to play basketball for 90 minutes and my body was a finely tuned machine.  had i made a career in construction my body today would be beaten up and worn down and i still need it for perhaps another 40 years so that was not a viable career. 

eventually i found my way into a call center where i was tasked with giving good customer service, which as a member not only of the proletariat but also of that distinct class therein which is naturally inclined to subservience, came quite easy to me.  supporting an organization and providing customer service was like common sense to me.  it wasn't that it required not thinking but rather that the principles employed were natural to me and what i had done representing myself to that point in life every day.  in that call center i was promoted to a point where i made a living wage.  i dropped out of school again, which is my greatest failure.  i got comfortable and became absorbed in the act of finding or settling upon a mate.  still, initially it was fascinating practicing and discerning the components of customer service.  i became a trainer and as such i was able to dissect all aspects of what we did.  i broke down the idea of empathy, compartmentalized it into addressing it in the past, present and future, and trained others on first how to think about it and second how to deliver it successfully.  similarly i broke down my own ergonomics training to understand why the ideal positions were ideal, what repetetive stress injuries and cumulative trauma disorders were in plain language so i could deliver my own training of, to and for the people.  customer service is another way of saying how to win friends and influence people and in that way it is a life skill, hence why and how i was able to stay involved in that field for many years, (even if i refused to apply the principles of the same for so many years to my personal life like the proverbial south going oxe.)  moreover by moving from agent to lead to trainer to supervisor to account manager to manager i have been able to create my own variety.

this is a tough day and age in terms of utilitarianism.  it is the order of the day.  specialization is heralded as the culmination of human thought on productivity.  that conclusion is without regard for the stakeholder in any business who is the employee, (or worker.)  rather, the stakeholder is just another commodity representative of another part of the productivity equation neither more nor less than the machine itself.  forthat reason workers should always seek variety and diversity.  ultimately society needs to adapt work to the needs of the human stakeholder in such a way it blends and seeks balance between the production and serving the man, mankind and our various societies. 

everything you know is wrong.  specialization is for insects and does not serve the individual, which by turn does not serve society.