why i drink

i am thinking about someone who got drunk at my wedding and i wonder if they are chagrined by the fact. i sincerely hope not. i think the act, in and of itself, (the act of getting drunk, that is,) is often one of giving.

i think people often drink when they are nervous. in the social setting that is a wedding, where strangers are brought together to dine and celebrate, the mixing can be a daunting affair. perhaps the person i am thinking of got drunk from nervousness, wanting to impress or to avoid embarrassing, wanting to feel at ease and be at ease, wanting to be cool and easy-going and friendly? thank you for drinking at my wedding. i appreciate that you came.

in a similar vein, people often drink to lower inhibitions and allow themselves to come out a bit. perhaps this person drank because they wanted to join in the celebration and do so in a somewhat less inhibited way than they expected they might have otherwise?

i am like that. i like to drink but i don't necessarily like the effect alcohol has on my body. i tolerate that for the greater benefit as i see it. when i drink i find i feel more freedom to engage people in conversation, to express myself openly, and i enjoy that effect.

when it comes to others, i am frustrated by my own inability to connect with some people.
it bothers me that at work, i cannot speak my mind. instead, i am reigned in by social mores and boundaries of political correctness. so i enjoy opportunities to drink with people i work with or others who might be inhibited to speak frankly about just about anything.

i do not mean to glorify a vice, but i like to drink and i like when others drink. pirandello said we all wear masks and we are always wearing masks. i consider alcoholic beverage the best mask remover. if people did not wear masks. . .

if i could speak as freely at work or even around my friends as i am able to do in a bar, i would have no use whatsoever for alcohol. but in my time, that is a fairy tale. around my very best friends i am free to speak as i would. when they disagree with me they tolerate me because we are friends and we see this as a key component of our friendship. around other friends, i am forced to honor certain limits. if we disagree, it must be handled like a business transaction. there is an unspoken rule not to offend. it is implied that every person's opinion is equally valuable and so, one cannot speak with too great a force or too much passion lest another feel overwhelmed or slighted. it would be rude to make someone feel like that. (this may or may not be a backwards thought.)

in public life, at work or in business, the restrictions are even greater. i do not feel free to speak of my religious convictions at work. i cannot breach the subject of politics with a stranger at a ball game.

when i was younger i did not have much to say. i was more interested in listening and learning. at the same time, i admired those who did have something to say. i appreciated those who spoke with passion. it seemed the most natural state of things. in applying logic to it all, i figured this was the example of the pebbles in the sack polishing one another and i figured the strongest ideas and arguments would come to the fore not by being the most blustery but rather by the sheer strength of the substance. that may sound optimistic but i've seen jerry falwell yelling and screaming from a pulpit on tv, filled with the most passionate intensity and righteous rage, and i've read another preacher, ralph waldo emerson, whispering to me from a page, the quiet sage, and there is no compare.

after i had gained more experience in the world and gotten a bit more comfortable, i gained stronger opinions about the world around me. these opinions were often rooted in my experience and so, i became enamored with conversation and this may very well be where my fancy for drinking began.

i remember taking a college psychology course and the instructor went around the room on the first day and asked us all what we enjoyed doing with our free time and feeling emboldened by the fun nature of the question i said i enjoyed staying up late drinking with my friends and discussing philosophy and ideas. the instructor laughed and said 'we all enjoy[ed] that.' and i think that is true. deep down, i think we all do enjoy that. i mean, we all enjoy the freedom to express ourselves however we want. in our world where political correctness has gained sway, it has a fantasyland appeal to it.

i think of the homosexual closet and all those who want to get out and run around freely expressing their innate desire to interior decorate something. i think of those who live in north korea or elsewhere where fascism dictates their ability to express on any number of levels and i wish for them the freedoms they do not feel. i think of the girl who had the abortion who feels like she cannot speak about it for fear of being judged and i ache for her because i know she is not evil and i know she meant no harm and i know this inability to talk it out, not with counselors but with her peers, her aunts and uncles, her coworkers and such, the product of which is the inability to find closure, to understand what may have been wrong in her actions or thoughts and what may have sprung from ignorance or whatever other psychological condition, is destroying her.

in the bar i see a lot of people who have found the place because they needed to speak freely. i see marks and lines on their faces indicating hidden traumas. and sometimes these things come out of them and i listen and wish they did not have to put on a show all day every day acting like they are the joneses of the world, just as good as you but really just as insecure as you, and maybe this too is my story. i had a difficult childhood and like everyone, i have pains in my life, in my family.

i wish we could speak freely but we can't. it's just not the world we live in. we need contact with people more than we need to speak.

still, i drink as a respite to this condition. i think a functioning anything is a plus and, i like beer. i drink so that others may feel more free. i drink so that i may feel more free.

(dont cry for me,) im in argentina!

i heard it called a 2nd world country and i suppose i can see where that comes from but mostly i have seen argentina as a cosmopolitan city of world class status.

faith and i are having a great time visiting this city. our hotel is european-the room is small but comfortable. the city. . .

to me the city seems bright and hopeful. it seems the cow is the national animal of argentina and i coudl not help but compare that to our beloved bald eagle. yes, ours may be cooler, but more interestingly, it is fitting. the bald eagle is a bird of prey. the cow, by contrast is a kinder animal, a provider, and argentina is certainly a place where one can get a good steak.

i especially enjoyed speaking to the people of buenos aires. i found virtually everyone i met to be friendly. they did their best to understand my broken spanish and they used whatever english they possessed and i was able to communicate and nothing could have been more rewarding about this trip than that.

i should preface all of this by saying it was our honeymoon and faith and i surely celebrated our love and our union, but here i mean to address this foreign land.

i am officially, and accidentally, a fanof the futbol club river plate. their are basically two club teams in argentina, river and boca juniors. i went hopingexpecting to embrace boca, if anything, but when i inquired about seeing a game i found boca had already won their league and the game they played on the sunday i was there would be meaningless. the major, (corporate sponser name here,) tournament going on had already seen boca's elimination but river plate was alive and doing well and playing libertad, a team from paraguay.

a local business called go futbol picked us up at our hotel and delivered us along with several other tourist futbol enthusiasts to a stadium filled to the gills with rabid fans. 80,000 people, according to my guide, were jammed into a stadium which has a capacity for 65,000. they do not sell alcoholic beverages at these games. (it would just be overkill, believe me.) no one ever left their seat from what i could tell. the fans light fireworks in the stands. their were huge homemade signs paying homage to the players all draped all over the edifice. they wore river's jersey and colors and waved flags and unfurled flags that covered entire portions of spectators. they sang at least five different songs that everyone in the stadium knew. and they lived and died with every rush into opposing territory, every crossing pass, every header in the zone. when something went bad, i never heard such free-spirited but thorough cursing of the play and players. (i have always been adept at the curse words in spanish. special thanks to my neighbor, mexico.)

especially intriguing was one section of the stadium in the upper part of the bowl and in the corner. it had abut a 10 foot high chain link fence around it with curled barbed wire adorning the top. in it were the fans of club libertad. the team from paraguay scored the game's first goal too. from the top of the goal box a libertad player got his foot on the ball and sent it high to the right side of the goal about 40 feet out on a 45 degree angle from the goal. the libertad striker caught it coming straight down out of the sky like a drop of rain in mid-air and sent it on a line past the goalie who dove but had no chance. it was an amazing kick and when it happened i gasped in admiration but also with some anger, (it was against my new favorite team.) the gasp was audible and everyone around me was silent. i thought i might be in trouble so i added a couple "damn!"s on the end of my gasp and turned to look at the libertad fans. they were jumping up and down in ecstasy as the scorer came to that corner of the field and pumped his fists in unison up towards them as if to thank them for cheering him to such heights. wow.

the game ended in a 2-2 draw and when the world cup is over, the tournament will continue with river plate travelling to paraguay to play libertad on their turf. i hope to be able to follow that outcome somewhere in my local press. i purchased a river plate jersey a couple of days later and will wear it proudly around monrovia and see if anyone recognizes it.

faith and i caught a tango show, (which included an excellent steak.) i got a tattoo at about one quarter of the price i would have paid for it here. i brought home some "special," cigars and felt good about contributing to the economy of the country from whence they came. we saw the casa rosada and took a lot of pictures, all the stuff you would expect from americans abroad, but that status notwithstanding, it was a great trip and a truly beautiful country. i'd recommend it to anyone.