tabula rasa

i have a young friend whom i am especially fond of. i like her because we pulled in the same direction for about 27 months. she was absolutely fierce in our common struggle and her motivation was simple. it was cash.

my friend reminds me of the young poet ranier maria rilke wrote letters to. there is a respectful, and casual tone to our relationship. she gives me the chance to be an older voice of wisdom. we discuss her life from time to time, her career, even her family. i try not to give so much advice i sound self important but at the same time i think about where i was at her age and some of the misconceptions i had, and i try to give her a perspective she may not have. this is truly a nice thing for me. by trying to be a giver i receive. i receive the good feeling of being helpful, being a mentor, being relateable...i suppose on some level i think i may really help my young friend. she grew up in the same town i did so we come from the same social caste. i find her familiar.

and so i hang out with her occasionally.  we have lunch or some sushi or even a beer and we talk.  the company of a pretty girl is pleasant and i enjoy our occsional meetings.

the question is what does she get from the friendship? our mutual struggle has ended but i find i want to continue the friendship. i want to be a mentoring influence for her. but what does she get?

over the last couple of years my friend has had a couple of birthdays and i could never figure out what to gift her. she has a work ethic like nobody's business. she likes to make money and wants to make more but from what i can tell all she spends her money on is clothing and food, (and a car payment.)

i have enquired about her passions. what music does she like. (rap-because its funny.) what movies does she like? (whatever is at the cineplex. comedies. in other words, main stream american movies. blech!) does she like art? (in a word? no.) museums? (nope.) travelling? ("i can't travel. i have no money and my boyfriend doesn't have a job.") wine? food? (sushi. so far, that's it.) she is truly so much less than a bud. she is a virtual tabula rasa. she actually considers herself a person of no passions.

i think it's just a matter of time. i would like to push her a little bit to help her curve but i don't really think it is possible. if she and i stay in touch now that our mutual struggle has ended it will be the occasional text message or email. perhaps a meeting for lunch around the holidays or something like that. so it is not and never will be my place to help her find herself. that said i don't believe in human passionlessness. we are by nature passionate. we are opportunists and our opportunities are passions. our survival instinct is a passion. at the other end of the spectrum, (or the other end of maslow's hierarchy of needs,) there is that which is aesthetically pleasing to the most discerning of tastes. movement up that pyramid of needs is rewarding. anyone who has experienced that sort of movement will always testify. on the other hand those who don't know anything about it can't be convinced they are missing out on anything whatsoever. they will scoff at that notion in fact. catch-22.

for now i am comfortable merely chronicling the nature of our reltionship.  i think it will be interesting now to see how she grows and in which direction she goes.